More Than You Wanted To Know

I've decided that me n some of the other girls in my clinical group picked up some kind of wicked nasty stomach bug from the hospital.

I can't stop shitting and if I put anything in my mouth, say 7-up or Tylenol, I start feeling like I am gonna puke. So then I am kind of gagging and trying not to puke. Or shomit*. Which is the worst. And once you start that before you know it you're gonna be dry heaving and have a sore throat and a pounding headache in addition to the raw ass that you made your mama bring you baby wipes with Care Bears on the package for.

And I have obviously been in nursing school too long and am maybe a little delirious because I am laying in bed all day thinking about where I would get a pressure wound from the different positions I am laying in. And trying to make myself keep drinking 7-up so that I don't get dehydrated and have to have an IV and a catheter which I would try and take out myself and then they would restrain me to the bed like this poor woman a few weeks ago who kept ripping her PEG outta her stomach.

I have a test tomorrow so I can't really miss class.

Maybe I am gonna have to take it from the toilet?

*In case you didn't know: Shit+vomit=shomit

To Whom It May Concern:

I am now 'officially enrolled.'

Financial aid can eat a dick.

Today school made me cry for the first time this semester.

A shot of gin, several tissues, and an espresso laced with cocoa powder are like a poor man's SSRI.

I'll be doing homework and studying for midterms all weekend if you need me.

Bring gin, tissues, and a concentrated caffeine source.

Sometimes starts to feel like am dating the phone.

And the phone am dating just dived into a puddle.

Boo!!

Yesterday my super trashy neighbors set up a firing range for their BB guns in the backyard which is right beside my bedroom window. Click click click, ting ting ting. Added to the usual bark bark bark of their big ass dog.

Monday is ass and everything in my environment is grating on my frazzled nerves. Something akin to a hypersensitivity reaction.

Got an e-mail that says I need to go to the student services office as I am not 'officially' enrolled. Whatever the fuck that means. Maybe that I don't have to 'officially' take tests and do assignments and get up at 4 am on clinical days?

Today there is also a student nurse association meeting AKA a complete waste of an hour of my time.

Get excited.

Why did I stop drinking so much again?

I wanna go home with the armadillo

Tired and cranky and homework that never ends.

Nursing school is such total ass.

There are some days though, today being one of them, when I leave the hospital feeling like I could maybe truly be a real nurse someday and not always so completely incompetent.

Rawk.

Home and there was a package in the mailbox from my love. Be jealous of my new ultra svelte and trendy penlight.

He is the sweetest.

Thinking about it makes me feel warm and mushy inside and also like I might cry because there is only one towel hanging in the bathroom and empty space in the bed that smells only like me.

Ok. So there isn't that much empty space in the bed since I like to hog it all up...but you know what I mean.

Came straight to work from clinicals and I smell like nasty hospital ass funk.

If you don't know what nasty hospital ass funk smells like I recommend never finding out.

Stanks.

On the way home we usually stop at the kick ass QuickTrip. I try not to eat so much junk but sometimes after being up since 4 am and trying not to make a complete fool of myself all day I just want a goddamn candy bar or a soda.

Today I was wandering aimlessly around the convenience store apparently looking distraught.

One of the women with me asked what was the matter...could I not find what I was looking for?

"I don't know. I keep reading all the nutrition facts and calorie counts and I've just got all this ass working back here already..."

QT worker boy, without missing a beat, "And you act like that's a bad thing."

Booty in my face with the wide load sticka.

More Pharm Fun

Part of our assignment was to outline the assigned chapters.

And now in class there is a printed copy of one of our outlines (Thanks, Jack, for teaching our class and all) which is cut apart. And we had to tape back together.

Since we are in 8th grade.

I foresee a mutiny.

Especially since I can't seem to stifle my slightly hostile commentary.

"And what's bad about hyperkalemia?"

"It can kill you."

Basically from now on I am not going to even bother coming to this godforsaken class unless we have a test.

On objectification...

Re: 'buenota'...

What I gather from my friend Google can pretty much be summed up with this.

From what I know about hip hop it probably makes its way into lyrics that are the Spanish equivalent of:

'You, you lookin' good in those jeans. I bet you'd look even better with me in between.'

Jeez.

Saw my fan club at the mediocre Mexican restaurant today.

I'm going to choose to believe that "buenota" is a nice name to have. Rather than a reference to my steadily increasing pudginess.

Also:

This nearly made me pee.

Really.

Ad Astra Per Aspera

Sometimes in Kansas we have wind.

Today 17 mph, gusting to 31.

Wind that, when you are on a bike, makes you curse aloud between gasps for breath. Shake your fist at the pale blue empty sky. If you can keep upright with only one hand on the handle bars.

Stopped to move a meandering state reptile out of the road. Partly to keep it from being run over. Mostly to keep it from passing me.

Tail wind on the way home almost made up for the misery of headwind on the way out.

Almost.

And in related home state news...

I want this t-shirt.

Cause I'm a classy bitch.

And you love it.

You may not believe me*, but today I spent right around 6 hours studying and doing homework. Added to the four or so hours spent last night doing the same. And the 5 or 6 more tomorrow at Homework Party for which am baking peanut butter chocolate chunk cookies.

The weather has changed to chilly in the last two days. Is nice weather for sweatshirts and swinging and walks holding hands.

Cat has been tear-assing around the house and backyard in celebration of the break from the stifling heat.**

I've been drinking coffee which I don't normally do and someone today on the phone may or may not have referred to me as "my little speed queen."

Wearing flannel pajamas and if I haven't seen you lately I miss you.

Let's remedy that soon, ok?

*If someone told me they spent this same amount of time doing schoolwork I'd think them prone to exaggeration.
**He wears fur

My head is going to explode.

Seriously.

Fuck this shit.

Maybe I can get a job teaching here...?

Boo!

Pharmacology class is a complete fucking joke.

Guess it must not be that important.

Not like nurses ever give drugs.

Hygiene

Why's it always gotta be so cold in here?

I have to tell you a semi-embarrasing story...

This morning when I got dressed I took pants that were hanging in my closet and put them on.

I drank a lot of tea this morning, trying to wake up. So I had to leave during class and pee.

When I went to the bathroom I looked down and couldn't quite figure out why there were two different patterns of panties.

Guess I already wore those pants, eh? Hopefully, maybe, probably only once.

Ooooooops.

Thank god the dirty ones didn't, like, fall out in front of a bunch of people.

Now there's vodka. No mixer.

Baaaaad news.

Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum

A nursing school bomb has gone off in the living room.

There is a 5 person homework party well underway.

And it doesn't stop.

S.T. Princess just admitted to being a drinking machine.

Which rocks.

VMA's tonight. 8 pm.

It's Britney, bitch!

Must be a little behind the times as didn't realize it was common practice to use a blowtorch to weed one's yard until my neighbor was doing it this evening.

Seems it's fun(!) and easy(!).

Who knew?

Today was first day back at the hospital. All of our clinical time this semester is spent in critical care units and it makes me super nervous.

My house is empty now and I feel sad.

On the way home a Jewel tune I used to totally rock in the late 90's came on the radio.

I do want to make you near me. Always.

Also: Congrats a million trillion times to my sweetest Pomme Baby. Love love.