PSA

Drinking a bottle of wine* does not, indeed, help one to write formal papers.

It does, however, make one feel better and succeed in dulling the stabbing pain in one's uterus when ibuprofen in large amounts has failed.

It also makes you giggle at asinine R&B lyrics, such as, "She be callin' you Kelly, when your name is Tommy."

*In my defense, it does say on the back of the bottle: "The kind of wine that you want to keep on drinking."