Bedtime Story

Lest any of you fine folk mistake me for a nice person:

Once upon a time fat girl had a roommate. Said roommate got knocked up and turned crazy. She "might maybe be moving out."

The day that her rent is due she disappears. With only her bed and all of her crap still everywhere.

A week later when she still won't return phone calls or come get her shit fat girl maybe kinda gets a little pissed at being stuck with the whole utility bill from last month instead of just half. (Fat girl is poor...just as an aside...she can't really afford to just have to pay twice the power bill she was budgeting for. Strange, I know.)

The day comes for replacement roommate to move in. Replacement and fat girl pack crazy knocked up not roommate's shit. This involves picking through a giant mound of dirty laundry to get out fat girls towels. This maybe kinda makes fat girl a little irritated. A little cranky.

So Replacement and fat girl set said shit on the front porch. (Fat girl lives in a little house...there isn't a whole lot of extra space for people to just use it as a storage unit. Also strange, I know.)

Crazy knocked up not roommate comes to get said shit. She and her crazy prescription pain killer addicted mom say nothing.

Today fat girl's phone rings. Is crazy pain killer addicted mom. There is a little bag of crap that crazy knocked up not roommate didn't get. Crazy mom comes over. Musta got a new prescription today. Gets bag. Seems one of crazy knocked up not roommate's picture frames got broken in the move.

Well, golly gee, I'm really sorry that while I was packing up all of her shit that she wouldn't come get, after she screwed me over, something got broken. There is, unfortunately, not any kind of insurance or money back guarantee for free moving services and I haven't got a lot of sympathy.

Crazy mom wants to know why it's gotta be like that. (Why do crazy, trashy people always wanna know why it or you's gotta be like that? Don't know what I mean...watch an episode of cops. You'll see.)

So I explained, using very small words, that in the real world, where grown-up people live, it isn't really acceptable to disappear the day your rent is due with no notice. Ignore someone when they try to call and have you come get your stuff. Show up to get it only after it is already all packed up. Pop back in two days later and want to start drama over a picture frame. Especially when there is a utility bill that needs to be paid sitting on my table, half of which should be paid by you.

Crazy pain killer mom looks at me like she is a little confused.

"Well...did you try and talk to her...?"

"I tried to call. I don't have time to hunt her down and make her talk to me. I don't have time to fight with her about a bill that she should just pay because it is her responsibility."

Blank stare from crazy pain killer mom. But she still isn't getting her crazy ass off my front porch. So...

(And here is the part where it gets shitty and fat girl is not a nice person...)

"I work, I go to school. I don't have the luxury of sleeping all day and deciding to just not pay my bills because I got knocked up. And I really don't have time to stand here and fight with you over some shitty two dollar picture frame from Wal-Mart."

Then she left.

And they all lived happily ever after.